12 STEPS 12 TRADITIONS

We admitted we were powerless over the assault, the effects of the assault, and that our lives had become unmanageable.

The Twelve Steps of Survivors in Recovery Anonymous

  1. We admitted we were powerless over the assault and the effects of the assault and our lives had become unmanageable.

  2. Came to believe that a loving Higher Power greater than ourselves could restore hope, healing and sanity.

  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care a loving Higher Power, as we understood that to be.

  4.  Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves, the assault, and its effects on our lives. We had no more secrets.

  5. Admitted to a loving Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another human being our strengths and weaknesses.

  6. We’re entirely ready to have a loving Higher Power help us remove all the debilitating consequences of the assault and became willing to treat ourselves with respect, compassion and acceptance.

  7. Humbly and honestly asked a loving Higher Power to remove the unhealthy and self-defeating consequences stemming from the sexual abuse.

  8. Made a list of all persons we may have harmed (including ourselves) and became willing to make amends to them all.

  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure the­m or others.

  10. Continued to take responsibility for our own recovery and when we found ourselves behaving in patterns still dictated by the assault, promptly admitted it. When we found we had overcome these patterns we promptly celebrated it. 

  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with ourselves and a loving Higher Power as we understood that to be, asking only for knowledge of Higher Power’s will for us and the courage and  power to carry that out.

  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other Survivors and practice these principles in all our endeavors.

The 12 Traditions of Survivors in Recovery Anonymous

  1. Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.

  2. For our group purpose there is but one authority: a loving Higher Power, as expressed in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

  3. The only requirement for membership is that you be a victim of sexual abuse, that you wish to recover from it, and that you, as an adult, have not sexually abused any child. 

  4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting another group or SIRA as a whole.

  5. Each group has but one primary purpose: to carry its message to the sexual abuse victim who still suffers.

  6. A SIRA group ought never to endorse, finance, or lend the SIRA name to any outside enterprise lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary objective.

  7. Survivors in Recovery Anonymous strives to be fully self-supporting and will not accept contributions that compromise SIRA’s autonomy or mission.

  8. Survivors in Recovery Anonymous Twelve Step work should remain forever non-professional.

  9. Survivors in Recovery Anonymous groups, as such, ought never be organized, but they may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

  10. Survivors in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the SIRA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

  11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

  12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

PROMISES

  1. We will comprehend the word “serenity” and we will know peace.

  2. We will lose our sense of toxic shame and gain self-respect.

  3. That feeling of hopelessness and self-condemnation will disappear.

  4. No matter how terrible the attack and its devastating its effects, we will recover and become whole again.

  5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. 

  6. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

  7. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. 

  8. Self-knowledge will blossom.

  9. Our perpetrators will no longer have any power over us.

  10. Fear of love and sexuality will leave us.

  11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. 

  12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.  

LAKOTA VIRTUES

Step One: BRAVERY

We admitted we were powerless over the assault and the effects of the assault and that our lives had become unmanageable.

We believe it requires courage to attend SIRA meetings, share stories, admit powerlessness and confess that our lives had become unmanageable. Step One states that in order to recover we need to surrender the illusion of control and retire our failed coping strategies. It takes a great deal of courage for this level of surrender. Because of this, the virtue of Bravery makes a powerful and inspiring partner to strengthen us on our healing journey.

Step Two: PERSEVERANCE

Came to believe that a loving Higher Power greater than ourselves could restore hope, healing and sanity.

The statement ‘came to believe’ implies that we have journeyed from an old belief to a new one. It suggests that we may have pushed through considerable doubt and fear to finally place our complete trust in a loving Higher Power. For a journey of this magnitude we believe great perseverance is required. Many times along the healing path we may feel worse, we may want to give up and withdraw into lonely isolation. But we didn’t. We came to believe.

Step Three: SACRIFICE

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a loving Higher Power, as we understood that to be.

A Lakota description of Sacrifice is ‘giving of oneself.’ We paired Step three with this virtue because it asks that we make a decision to turn not just our will, but our very lives over to a loving Higher Power. For some, this is no easy task. Many of us felt betrayed by Creator, after all, how could S/He have let the assault happen? No matter how much separation the assault may have caused between us and our Creator, Step Three invites us to let go of all that keeps us from Her/Him – to give ourselves over and sacrifice all the unhealthy ways we used to distract, deny and harm ourselves.

Step Four: FORTITUDE

Made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves, the assault, and its effects on our lives. We had no more secrets.

Fortitude is described as having the strength of mind to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage. One could say Fortitude is one of the top traits necessary to not only begin but complete a searching and fearless inventory. Step Four asked that we not only go deep into the assault itself but to examine the effects it had on our lives. Wasn’t facing these issues and naming them the very thing we had spent years, even a life time avoiding? By pairing this Lakota virtue with Step Four, we gain the strength we need to accomplish this challenging, yet rewarding task.

Step Five: TRUTH

Admitted to a loving Higher Power, to ourselves, and to another human being our strengths and weaknesses.

No matter how much we lied or tried to hide from the assault and its effects we never seemed to find much relief. We may have tried drugs, alcohol, relationship dramas, isolation – whatever form it took – it only seemed to make things worse! The one thing we may not have tried – till now – is truth. This powerful Step lifts us completely out of denial and asks us to share our strengths and weaknesses, not just with Creator – but with another person. This is not just symbolic. We are actively breaking the code of silence and admitting our truth to others; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Remember that saying - the truth shall set you free? It's particularly true when applied to healing in whatever form we may seek it.

Step Six: LOVE

Were entirely ready to have a loving Higher Power help us remove all the debilitating consequences of the assault and became willing to treat ourselves with respect, compassion and acceptance.

In a Lakota translation, the word ‘Love’ is tied directly to the Creator and is considered the driving force of all things. Did we believe that the assault and abuse removed us from Creators healing rays? Did we feel cast out? Angry? Did we see ourselves as damaged goods? Were we still debating whether we did something to ‘deserve’ it? For many of us, especially those assaulted as children, it takes a very powerful force to heal the debilitating consequences of sexual violence. However, if anything on this earth can help us to heal, love can. Love, and love alone, could make us willing to treat ourselves with respect, compassion and acceptance. All that was asked of us was to be entirely ready. Maybe it’s as simple as saying a heartfelt “Enough! I’m ready!” and love will do the rest.

Step Seven: HUMILITY

Humbly and honestly asked a loving Higher Power to remove the unhealthy and self-defeating consequences stemming from the sexual abuse.

There it is. The first word in the first line of Step Seven is the word ‘humbly.’ It’s an interesting ask. Weren’t we humbled enough? Haven’t we been brought low by the assault? A Lakota interpretation states that Humility is the opposite of pride. Humility can be used to rid us of the toxic belief that we can deal with the unhealthy consequences of the abuse on our own. In this case Humility might say “Creator, I give up. I tried everything I could to fix this problem on my own and I’m still miserable. Please help me.”

Step Eight: HONOR

Made a list of all persons we may have harmed (including ourselves) and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step Eight is an interesting ask for survivors of sexual violence. It doesn’t seem to make sense. Weren’t we the victims? Weren’t we the ones who were harmed? Why are we the ones to make amends? By making this list we are asked to see that the image of ourselves as being safely locked away from the debilitating effects of the assault is usually an illusion. We may have been unkind to ourselves and others. Step Eight asks us to list all the ways we may have been unkind. The Lakota interpretation of Honor is paired with Step Eight as it allows us to acknowledge the magnitude of the pain, shame, and rage we carried. We may not want to give this kind of importance to our pain - let alone honor it - but we can’t heal until we do. When we made our list, we were honoring ourselves, and those we’ve harmed by becoming willing to take actionable steps to make things right.

Step Nine: RESPECT

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Respect is important when making direct amends to ourselves and others. Making amends is the respectful thing to do - but - the second half of this Step should be given careful consideration. It’s important to discuss our plans for amends with another group member. A frank discussion to get a second opinion could help enormously to know who is appropriate to contact and who is not. It is a sign of Respect that we apologize to those we’ve harmed, including ourselves. It’s also a sign of respect to be mindful of the bigger picture when deciding who might be further injured by our apologies.

Step Ten: COMPASSION

Continued to take responsibility for our own recovery and when we found ourselves behaving in patterns still dictated by the assault, promptly admitted it. When we found we had overcome these patterns we promptly celebrated it.

To reach Step Ten we will have done a tremendous amount of work. We have now come to a place of maintaining our recovery. We’ve found healing, we’ve made amends and Step Ten shows us how to keep what we’ve gained. We paired Compassion with Step Ten because we may have relapses into old thinking and behaviors. We may be triggered and feel our recovery is waning. The Lakota Virtue of Compassion reminds us that having compassion for ourselves is one of the best tools we have to balance out the 3 steps forward, 2 steps back nature of recovery. It can help us move past relapse and move forward in a good way.

Step Eleven: WISDOM

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with ourselves and a loving Higher Power as we understood that to be, asking only for knowledge of Higher Power’s will for us and the courage and power to carry that out. 

In Step Eleven we are asked to pray, meditate and improve our conscious contact with ourselves and our Creator. Many of us are already doing that daily, but this next part - asking ONLY “for knowledge of a Higher Power’s will for us and the courage and power to carry that out” is stunning. To limit our prayers to a single request for ‘knowledge, courage and power’ and ONLY knowledge, courage and power. We paired Wisdom with Step Eleven because deeply working this step is the wise thing to do. If the Steps have led us to a good place so far, and we have truly surrendered our will and our lives, Wisdom would suggest that working Step Eleven will continue to bring positive results. Knowledge and Wisdom come to us through Creator and this Step asks us to focus in and make conscious contact daily.

Step Twelve: GENEROSITY

Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other Survivors and practice these principles in all our endeavors.

The first line of Step 12 indicates that as a result of working these steps we have earned something very special, a spiritual awakening. We’ve come a long way and we’re feeling better than we ever thought we could and we’ve gotten to the last Step. What else could we be asked of us? To share it. We must carry the message to those still suffering and practice these principles in all our endeavors. That is why Generosity is paired with Step Twelve. The program makes us into role models for people who may not have any. We model healing and recovery and share it with those who are still suffering so they may also heal. A well known 12 Step slogan states “In order to keep what we have, we must give it away.” Sharing healing with others is the highest level of love and Generosity that we can offer.